The Great Kids Debate

This is a post I wasnt sure if I wanted to write or not.  I was recently pushed over the edge by senseless comments from co-workers and feel that yes I should finish this post.  If you dont want to hear my rant about this feel free to close the window you wont hurt my feelings I know this is a sensitive subject.  Honestly I have written this at least 4 different times trying to get it right.

As I get closer to the next decade of my life it seems more and more people think its ok to pry into my personal life in places they have no business being.  Kids are a sensitive subject but society has made it ok for people to give women grief if you dont have children.  Yall that is not ok.

I admit I have asked married friends of mine if they plan on having kids, but these are close friends and not colleagues or acquaintences.  I have never sent anyone articles on why women dont have kids or reasons why couples should have kids.  I havent told someone their life doesnt really have value until they have kids and I have never said a kid makes your life complete.  Yet these are all things people have said to me and think there is nothing wrong with that.

First of all, why does my life need to be defined by having children.  Why does my life and the things I’ve do have no consequence unless there is a child attached to my hip.  I’ll tell you right now, while the things I’ve done in my life arent as important as curing cancer I like to think they have value and I’ve made some kind of difference to someone at least once.  Do not degrade my value just because I havent given birth.

Second, you have no idea if I stuggle with fertility issues.  While that is not the case for me…at least I dont know if it is, thats not something I would want to talk about least of all with a relative stranger.  I know what lengths people sometimes have to go to for children and what cost and how painful it is when someone asks something as simple as “when are you having kids” knowing full well you might not be able to.

Third, I would rather have children when Im mentally ready then just have kids because thats what married people are supposed to do.  Kids never make a situation better, marriages can get strained as well as wallets.  I have no desire to change the way I live and I think women should be praised when they realize they arent ready to have kids and bear that responsibility rather than villanized.  Why is it a bad thing that I know my own life and know I may not ever want to have children.  I would much rather women actually think about the impact having a child will make on their lives and make an educated decision rather than “well, I’m almost 30 guess I should have kids now”.  No, just no.

Simply put, the state of my womb is none of your gosh darn business.  You may think its just an innocent question but its one I get asked frequently and I am sick and tired of answering.  While I choose to not have children right now that might change, probably not but hey stranger things have happened.  My choice to have a life without off-spring is just that, my (ok and my husband’s choice), not yours.  You play no part in the upbring, financial contributions, sleepless nights, etc that go into parenting so how and when I decide to have kids, you play no part in that either.

Dont get me wrong, anyone who wants to be a mom I think you are fantastic!  Its not easy raising tiny people who wont really understand the sacrafices you made for them for years.  Its not easy actually giving birth and it certainly isnt easy if you struggle with the depression that could follow.  Being a mom is probably one of the hardest jobs in the world and I totally get and understand that…which is also why I choose to have no part in it.  Im so happy when people I know have kids, its just not for me.

To everyone out there getting asked over and over “when are you having kids” (married or not), listen, I feel your pain.  I feel the judgement that is passed when you say “not right now”, I understand the pity looks and I know your hurt.  I am too strong willed to be bent to someone else’s opinion of what my life should be, I hope you are too.  I hope you have someone great you can vent your frustration to and someone who symphathzes with you, and I hope if you need it I can be that someone for you.  I hope those seemingly innocent comments arent getting you down and its my wish you know your not alone.

Sometimes it feels like Im alone on an island for kidless women but then I look around and see some awesome successful women who are happily without kids thank you very much.  One day the questions will stop by until that day comes know that I support you no matter what your decision.  If the day comes and you decide your ready to have kids, Ill be here supporting you too!

Just…for the love of all things holy…STOP ASKING ME when Im going to have kids…its NONE of your business.

Oh and also none of your business, why Im a grown adult that loves Disney but doesnt want kids.  There is no crime in loving all things magical no matter what your age.  But thats another rant for another day.

No chime in today, Im pretty sure you have a comment about this whether I put a prompt or not.


3 thoughts on “The Great Kids Debate

  1. I try to be sensitive & ask in a way that’s not WHEN are you having kids, but more along the lines of what are your next moves…usually if people plan on kids, they’ll tell you, and then I can ask questions if I care. But also, this is usually my close friends, because frankly, if we’re not friends IDGAF if you have kids or not. Honestly, if you want some, great, go forth & don’t screw them up too badly. If you don’t, go forth & enjoy all the extra money you’ll likely be rolling around in since diapers are expensive, and so is college.

    Also, all it’s gonna take is ONE, one stranger to ask me this question once I’m married (& I know it will happen) & I’ll lose my shit, and probably go on an epic rant that’s longer than this post (even though I DO plan kids one day, it’s still none of their damn business) & then everyone will be too scared to ever ask me again.

    If you & Joe are on the same page, that’s all that matters. & everybody else can SHOVE IT.

    Liked by 1 person

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